"And I will take of the spirit which is upon thee, and will put it upon them; and they shall bear the burden of the people with thee, that thou bear it not thyself alone."
Numbers 11:17
Coping with Cancer
Twenty-seven years ago while working as a young professional in San Francisco, I was suddenly diagnosed with a rare cell type of aggressive non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, called T-cell. My odds of five-year survival were estimated to be 35%.
I was terrified. Terrified of cancer, of chemotherapy, of dying. My friend Susan Shargel, of blessed memory, said to me, “You must call Rabbi Flam at the Jewish Healing Center. I’ve met her, and I know she will help you.” And she did. Over the phone she told me that even a person with much inner strength still needs external support in a time of great crisis.
Rabbi Nancy Flam and the San Francisco Jewish Healing Center were vital in my coping with cancer and in my recovery. I would like to share three profound aspects of my healing experience: community, mercy, and the present moment.
Community: The Jewish tradition gives us a powerful example of a leader reaching out for help. When Moses felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of leading the people through the desert, he voiced his despair to God. The Lord told Moses to gather together a community of 70 of the elders of Israel to share his burden. God said to Moses, “And I will take of the spirit which is upon thee, and will put it upon them; and they shall bear the burden of the people with thee, that thou bear it not thyself alone.”
Mercy: Illness and death, I learned, can be viewed as an expression of God’s din, or principle of limitation. No living being is created to live eternally. Somehow limitation is built into the design of creation. At the same time, the Jewish concept of rachamim, or mercy, makes it possible to soften and endure the painful limits and losses that are part of life. Rachamim is the compassionate response to din, offering mercy without blame of others or blame of self.
The Present Moment: The reality of facing life-and-death issues moves us into the present. Rabbi Rami M. Shapiro said, “Spirituality is paying attention. Spirituality is being present to what is happening around and within you regardless of how you feel.” The present moment is all we truly have, and living with cancer leads us to appreciate that moment. According to Psalm 118, Zeh hayon asah Adonai, nagilah venismechah vo. “This is the day the Lord has made. Let us be joyful and very glad on this day.”
My experience of cancer transformed my life for the better. I vowed to live in the present with gratitude for each day. I also feel deep gratitude for my husband Bob, who assured me right away that he would still love me when I was bald and who never once doubted that I would recover and live.
When Rabbi Flam was asked to edit a new series of pamphlets called LifeLights, published by Jewish Lights Publishing, she asked me to write the booklet, "Living with Cancer, One Day at a Time" (2000). This series was designed for rabbis and chaplains to help people facing major life challenges like cancer, divorce, and death of a spouse. The pamphlets can be purchased for display in synagogues and healing centers.
Washington Post
JEWISH HEALING CENTER TEACHES
USE OF SPIRITUAL RESOURCES TO FIGHT ILLNESS
By Diane Winston
July 16, 1994
Roxane Dinkin was 42 when she discovered a lump in her neck. After her doctors diagnosed it as non-Hodgkins lymphoma, the type of cancer that killed Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Dinkin said she wondered if she would make it to 43.
But as the shock waned and her survival instinct surged, Dinkin realized that to cope with the crisis she needed spiritual, as well as medical, healing.
"I immediately made an appointment at the Jewish Healing Center," said Dinkin, a psychologist who lives in Marin County, Calif. "Their idea was to help me mobilize my own spiritual resources to deal with the cancer. And that, in turn, led me to a deeper degree of self-acceptance."
The Jewish Healing Center is a service, education and resource center dedicated to meeting the spiritual needs of Jews living with chronic and acute illness. Founded three years ago in San Francisco, the center provides its clients with pastoral counseling, healing services, spiritual support groups, educational workshops and a hospice program.
Begun on a shoestring budget by a small group of female rabbis, the center was initially expected to operate at the fringes of the mainstream Jewish community. Now its organizers plan to open a national office in New York this fall.
According to some observers, the center's appeal reflects a spiritual turn among American Jews.
"This is an expression of a broader movement that I call a return to spirituality in American Judaism," said Rabbi Neil Gillman, an associate professor of philosophy at the Jewish Theological Seminary in New York. "It's part of an attempt to reassert the balance between the intellectual dimensions of religion and the emotional and spiritual parts."
Dinkin, whose cancer is in remission, said that balance was crucial. A convert to Judaism, she was committed to Jewish learning. But her status as a cancer patient led her to ask how the tradition could help her accept the hardest lesson of her illness -- living completely in the present.
Dinkin's "teacher" during her illness was Rabbi Nancy Flam, the center's West Coast director and one of its founders. Flam and several friends began discussing the Jewish approach to healing when they were in seminary.
"We wanted to know what guidance and support Judaism had to offer," Flam said. "That's why the Jewish Healing Center is dedicated to examining Jewish texts and finding Jewish rituals that have healing power."
The center's dual emphasis on education and experience -- teaching what Jewish texts say about healing and sponsoring programs -- has sparked similar efforts nationwide. A Washington congregation is among those that have initiated programs for "bikkur holim," or visiting the sick.